ps.

is it ever gonna be the same

I used to think I had it all figured out. Turns out I knew fuck all about anything.

Everything's a cycle so maybe I'll come back here one day. (The fact that I'm even logging in means it's sooner rather than later. That scares the shit out of me.)

Until then.

what I am to you...

I want you to feel how I feel when I'm by myself, surrounded with nothing but everything I fight to keep away from me.

I'm tired of fighting, I'm tired of trying to stay alive just for the sake of being alive. There has to be something else to it, otherwise every day just seems to prolong the inevitable and every new day just feels more pointless than the previous.

Maybe if I sleep for a year I'll dream of some meaning and maybe I won't be tired any more when I wake up.

Maybe I've been sleeping all my life and I'm still waiting for something to make sense, maybe I'm not ready to wake up.

Maybe I just need to get over myself.

once a year

I miss the way you ignored me.
I miss all my secrets.

I miss you.

let the weather have its way with you

Every second prior to the dull monotony of now feels like a dream.

Hazy, static, irrelevant, imaginary.

There's nothing but now and your now is as good as nothing.

So what is there?